Morning Mysore Guest blog---Priya Rao

Mysore-style Ashtanga yoga entered my life at the perfect time. About a year ago, when I first walked into the Mysore room, I was at the peak of battling an eating disorder. I had struggled with mild depression and body image issues for years. The eating disorder was a coping mechanism that was empty and lonely, but surrendering to Ashtanga slowly taught me to change my relationship to food, change my relationship to my body, and practice genuine self-love that had never existed in me. Ashtanga helped and continues to help me reflect, grow, and find a deep sense of self acceptance. Before I started Mysore, I would take the occasional Hot Flow or Hatha class, but somehow I felt like there was a competitive edge lining the room. I first came to Mysore, hoping to form a yoga sequence that I could always turn to, even if I just had a few minutes to practice before a busy day. I ended up getting way more than I bargained for because having individualized instruction and the focus from a silent room gave me strength in my practice and life. The transition from dropping in a couple times a week to committing to a daily practice was no easy feat. Initially, I felt the social pressures of college consuming me. I felt like I was always bailing on my friends for an early morning sweat fest, and I was constantly doubting if the practice had any tangible benefits. It was difficult to switch from the college mentality of sleeping at 2am and waking up at 10am, to sleeping at 9pm and waking up at 4:30am. Gradually, I realized that Mysore was fulfilling in ways I couldn’t even have imagined and my self-created barriers disappeared. I started to care less about what others thought, and focused my energy on a practice that made me feel like the best version of myself. Now, on the rare occasion that my commitment to the practice waivers, I ask myself if I am better off than I was a month ago and the answer is always yes. Ashtanga grounded me mentally and physically, but it also helped me reconnect spiritually. Growing up in an Indian household with slightly religious parents, I was introduced to elements of Hindu philosophy and Sanskrit chanting, but I never really connected with these traditions. Combining the physical practice of yoga with the philosophy and chanting gave me new perspective and respect for a culture that I dismissed as a kid. Ashtanga is a practice of contrasts. It requires discipline but it is also forgiving. It is empowering yet completely humbling, invigorating yet grounding, strong but soft. The practice has helped me cultivate some authenticity that leaves me less guarded and more open to life and love. I leave each morning with a clear head and heart, with the space to be a better student, sister, daughter, and friend. Working through my struggles on the mat helps me live in a graceful and compassionate way off the mat. I leave class feeling like I can conquer fifty eating disorders and anything else thrown my way. In the constant turmoil of life, morning mysore is like a stable sanctuary where anger, sadness, joy, confusion, hope, and faith all have a place. I have come to Mysore in the darkest and brightest of times and always find just what I need in the 90 minute practice. My journey into Ashtanga yoga was messy and my progression has been slow and steady, but it has helped me transform into the person I wanted to be yet never knew how to become. Something amazing happens in that small, very hot room each morning, and I am truly grateful for the practice, my teacher, and the community that has supported my growth. One year down, the rest of my life to go.

My First Yoga Class- Part Two

I walked into my first yoga class and immediately compared myself to everyone else in the room. I was the only guy, the tallest, the least flexible, and I simply didn't know how to move like that. I had played sports in high school and was becoming competitive again since getting sober. We started with Sun Salutations where the second position is a forward bend and I couldn't even get close to my toes. My toes felt like they were a mile away and it felt like we did 100 sun salutations. Joanie later told me that we only did 5 sun salutation A and 5 sun salutation B. When we got done, I was bright red, sweating profusely and panting like a dog. I was so sweaty that I couldn't stay on my mat. I was slipping and sliding everywhere. The worst part was that I was getting my ass kicked by something that I thought was for girls. We moved through the standing poses of the primary series and it finally gave me a little time to catch my breath. I kept thinking, How much longer is this class? What have I gotten myself into! Out of the 20 standing poses only two of them weren't excruciatingly painful. Everything in my body was tight and all the poses hurt. This was also my state of mind at the time. I was uptight and uncomfortable about everything. I got done with the class and I never wanted to do it again. I hated it! It literally brought me face to face with all my Insecurities and feelings of inadequacy. I didn't know if I could handle that at this point in my life. I was beat down and in tears.

I talked to a few friends about these feelings and how the class went. They all urged me to go back and try it a second time. When I talked to my sponsor about it he said "keep going until the miracle happens, your higher power wants you there".  I had a whole week to think about it and it seemed highly unlikely that I was going to put myself under that microscope again. Saturday rolled around and it seemed to just be in the cards that day. I woke up with this feeling like, "let's do yoga." I was blown away.  Where did that come from? I remember telling a friend about this time in my life and that it was like my soul was just a flicker of a flame that was begging to get bigger. It needed an outlet to heal. 

I went to class at 1pm that Saturday and I remember it like it was yesterday. I got there early, laid out my mat and got warmed up slightly. We went through half of the primary series of Ashtanga yoga and I felt like I was surfing on the waves, my mind and heart felt open. It was amazing and it was the first time in my life that I can remember when I wanted to be exactly who I was. I had never had that feeling before. Usually for me, the grass was always greener on the other side. I laid down after practice and I fell right into this deep space in my mind. It was like watching a movie in my head, unattached. It was what I call a "coming home moment." It was like someone whispered into my ear and said "you're perfect just the way you are".  I had never had that thought and I had never felt comfortable in my own skin like I did after that yoga class.  The first time I had a bunch of inner conflict but the second class gave me clarity. I saw those same insecurities that I saw the first class but I was different and unattached to the outcome. How did I get there? The only word I can think of is Grace. That second day of class I practiced yoga with total acceptance of myself and of where I was on and off the mat. My life was not good at this point. I was struggling to stay sober and struggling to find my path. That day I think my soul had found its path. For the longest time I was using drugs to fill this emptiness inside but for some reason after doing the practice I felt like the emptiness was filled. I was connected to something much greater than myself and I could feel it reverberating in my body. After that class I felt the value of what yoga had added, I had had this profound shift. I looked at Joanie and said I’ll see you next week and gave her a hug. I think I am going to start doing this more often!

To be continued.......